Monday, 15 March 2010

Sad Acts...

Rob and Mandy Offord seem to be a really nice couple, oozing with sympathetic charm.

Well if you've seen them sober that is.

For the other 23 hours 45 minutes a day, they are vile drunken lushes, who play on Mandy's invisible disability to gain sympathy from nearly everyone they meet.

Mandy and her best friend, Tanya the Slut Lumby, meet up regularly at various licenced establishments in Birmingham but have been banned from every pub in Hall Green, Acocks Green, Sheldon and Shard End.

The main cause of this is the ability of Mandy to drink 20 pints of Special Brew and still be able to stagger. The only time her wheelchair is needed is after the 20 pints have caused her to become paralytic.

Rob too loves a drop of juice, normally Kestrel 9% in cans, he can usually down around 15 to 20 before he loses the ability to stay upright...

Friday, 26 February 2010

Patches O'Houlihan

From The Urban dictionary: Patches O'Houlihan.

You are having sex with a girl, reverse cowgirl style in her wheel chair, on an incline. As your finishing, lift her by her lifeless hips, and toss her in front of the wheelchair, and proceed to run the bitch over. The best part about this technique, is she'll still be there tomorrow. But if you're a gentleman, you'll call her a cab.

"So I gave this girl a Patches O'Houlihan, and I was going to call her a cab, but she got hit by a semi. At least I got the wheelchair out of the deal."